Episode Title: iDream of Jeannie (and Regret)

INT. SHAY APARTMENT – DAY

ROBERT is climbing on a chair, trying to hang a weird Spencer-made wall sculpture that looks like a ferret made out of forks.

CARLY
Careful, Robert. That thing weighs, like, thirty pounds and I’m not cleaning your brain off the ceiling.

SPENCER (off-screen)
That ferret is a metaphor for my love life—delicate, stabby, and vaguely metallic!

Robert wobbles—

ROBERT
I'm fine! I’ve got cat-like—WHAM!

He topples, hits his head on the edge of the couch, and everything goes black.

DREAM SEQUENCE – INT. 1960s LIVING ROOM – “I DREAM OF JEANNIE” STYLE

Cue swirly dream effect, harp music, and the I Dream of Jeannie-style title card:

“Captain Nielsen and the Bottle of Trouble”
A Totally Authentic 1960s Sitcom Special

ROBERT now wears a snappy Air Force uniform with an absurd number of medals. He sits on a plush pink couch in a retro living room.

ROBERT (as Captain Nielsen)
Where am I? Why do I smell Aqua Net and betrayal?

A pink smoke puff appears from a bottle on the coffee table—out pops SAM dressed as Jeannie, full harem outfit, arms crossed, smirking.

SAM (as Jeannie)
Your wish is my command… Master.

Robert sits bolt upright, eyes wide.

ROBERT
Oh really?

SAM (Jeannie-voice)
Anything you want, Master.

Robert leans in, whispers something into her ear. Her eyes widen. She recoils.

SAM
Ew! That’s disgusting!

ROBERT (defensive)
You said anything!

SAM
Yeah, well I didn’t know you were gonna get weird with it!

She poofs away in a puff of glitter smoke, leaving behind a banana with a note that reads, “Think about what you’ve done.”

INT. MILITARY BASE (SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE SHAY KITCHEN) – MOMENTS LATER

FREDDIE is now a military “general” wearing a clearly fake mustache and holding a clipboard. GIBBY is a fellow Air Force officer but is dressed in a uniform two sizes too small and roller skates for no reason.

FREDDIE (as General)
Captain Nielsen! There are reports of… unexplained banana materialization and unauthorized harem magic on this base.

GIBBY
And I’ve got sand in my socks! This mission is compromised!

Sam reappears in a puff, lounging on the ceiling upside down.

SAM
Relax, gentlemen. My magic is harmless—unless someone gets weird again.

ROBERT
I asked for one trampoline made of pudding and suddenly I’m the bad guy?

MONTAGE: CLASSIC JEANNIE-STYLE ANTICS

  • Jeannie accidentally turns Spencer into a literal parrot. He keeps repeating, “You guys want soup??”

  • Gibby tries to fly a rocket that turns out to be made of lunchables and duct tape.

  • Freddie gets “poofed” into a 1960s game show host and can’t stop rhyming.

  • Carly is a nosy neighbor with a beehive wig and binoculars who keeps saying, “I know what you are, Robert Nielsen. I know.”

INT. LIVING ROOM – FINAL SCENE OF THE DREAM

Robert sits on the couch again. Sam poofs back into the room, more serious now.

SAM (softly)
Hey. You okay, Master?

ROBERT (sincerely)
This is the weirdest daydream I’ve ever had. But you as a genie? Kinda suits you. All that power, all that chaos...

SAM (grinning)
And no rules.

ROBERT
Just one. No more pudding trampolines.

SAM
Deal. But next time you get weird… poof. You’re a goldfish.

They both laugh. She blinks—and Robert disappears in a swirl of sparkles.

INT. SHAY APARTMENT – BACK TO REALITY

Robert wakes up on the floor with an ice pack on his head. Everyone is standing over him. Carly’s holding a juice box like it’s medicine.

CARLY
You okay? You hit your head pretty hard.

SPENCER (walking in… STILL dressed like Gilligan for some reason)
I brought soup!

Robert sees him and SCREAMS.

ROBERT
NO! NOT AGAIN!

He scrambles to his feet, runs to the wall, and knocks over the sculpture again.

ROBERT
Oh my god… that was like some stupid ChatGPT fanfiction.

CREDITS ROLL
Over clips of Spencer still squawking like a parrot, Gibby spinning on roller skates, and Sam trying to poof juice boxes into meat sticks.

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