Episode Title: “iLike the New Guy” (Part 4)

 

INT. iCARLY STUDIO – NIGHT – LIVE BROADCAST

Carly is seated in her host chair, beaming at the webcam. Sam is bouncing in place beside her like a caged raccoon with a Red Bull IV. Robert sits in a foldable lawn chair between them, holding a large clear plastic police riot shield like it’s totally normal.

CARLY
Welcome back to iCarly! Tonight, we’re introducing a brand-new segment we like to call…

SAM
“Interrogation Station!” Where we question our guest until they break, cry, or fall in love with us!

CARLY (eyeing Sam)
…Those are not the official rules.

SAM (grinning)
They are now.

CARLY
Our guest-slash-target tonight is Ridgeway’s newest nerd-in-residence, Robert Robinson!

Robert raises a hand in a half-wave while gripping the shield tightly.

ROBERT
I just want to say for the record, I agreed to this under duress. And also because Carly promised snacks.

SAM (already leaning uncomfortably close)
Tell the people why you're hiding behind a riot shield, Boom Boy.

ROBERT
Because the last time I sat next to you, you licked my ear and called it "friendship."

SAM (mock offended)
It was a friendly lick!

Sam tries to poke him through the shield. He shifts, raises it higher like a medieval knight fending off a dragon with frosted tips. Carly can barely hold in her laughter.

CARLY
So, Robert… Truth time. Is it true you like Sam?

ROBERT (nervous)
I mean—what is liking, really? Aren’t we all just stardust and confusing hormones?

SAM (grinning, getting closer)
Aww… is Robert blushing? Let me see—

She leans forward, slowly pressing her face to the riot shield like she’s doing a slow-motion zoo inspection.

SAM (MUFFLED)
Saaaaay you liiiiike meeeee, Robbyyyyyy...

ROBERT
You're fogging up my riot barrier.

SAM (still pressed up)
Then take it dowwwnnnn…

CARLY (laughing)
This is weirdly romantic. And deeply unsettling.

Robert looks at the camera, then at Sam. He shrugs and lowers the shield slightly to make a joke.

ROBERT
Fine. One second of peace—

Sam, thinking he’s playing along, leans in to kiss the shield again—but just as she does, he lowers it… and they kiss. Right on the lips. LIVE. IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE VIEWING AUDIENCE.

EVERYONE FREEZES.

CARLY (mouth open)
Did… did that just happen?

FREDDIE (O.S.)
We're still live! And the chat’s exploding!

SAM (pulls back, stunned, then shrugs)
Well. That escalated... beautifully.

ROBERT (staring off into the void)
I think I forgot my name.

SAM (grabbing the shield and holding it up between them)
Okay. New rule. YOU get the shield now. I need protection from you, Casanova.

CARLY
Aaaaaand that’s our show! Tune in next week when Robert and Sam either fight or elope—we’ll keep you posted!

INT. FREDDIE'S TECH BOOTH – MOMENTS LATER

Freddie is frantically typing on his laptop, reading comments from the live chat aloud.

FREDDIE
“OMG they kissed!” “Team RobSam forever!” “Was that scripted??” “Replay the kiss 20 times!” “I SPIT MY CHOCOLATE MILK!”

SPENCER (O.S.) (poking in from a trapdoor in the wall)
Did someone say milk? I’m making a sculpture out of expired dairy products!

INT. SHAY APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

Robert sits on the couch, dazed. Sam walks in holding two sodas.

SAM (handing him one)
So… that happened.

ROBERT
Yup.

SAM (sips her soda, pauses)
Wanna pretend it never happened?

ROBERT
…Do I still get snacks?

SAM
Only if you kiss me again.

She throws the soda can at him and walks off. Robert sits there, stunned… again.

ROBERT (V.O.)
Pretty sure this is what emotional whiplash feels like. But, like… the good kind.


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