Episode Title: “iLike the New Guy” (Part 5)


INT. RIDGEWAY HIGH – HALLWAY – THE NEXT DAY

The bell rings. The halls are buzzing. Robert walks in trying to look casual, but he’s immediately swarmed by classmates whispering, pointing, and snickering like a pack of hyenas at a gossip convention.

RANDOM STUDENT #1
Hey Robert! Is the wedding gonna be livestreamed, or are you saving that content for the honeymoon episode?

RANDOM STUDENT #2 (singing mockingly)
“Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson…”
points dramatically at Sam as she walks by holding a meat stick and a juice box like she’s done with everyone already.

SAM (flatly)
Call me that again and I’ll file you under “missing.”

RANDOM STUDENT #3
Too late, Mrs. R! We already voted you and Robert “Most Likely to Kiss During a Fire Drill.”

Robert is trying not to blush. Which of course means he is bright red and sweating like a guy in a rom-com montage.

STUDENT WITH CAMCORDER
Robert! Any comment on your first on-screen smooch? Was it scripted? Was it method acting?

ROBERT
It was a deeply miscalculated use of gravity and plastic. No further questions at this time.

SAM (leans in, grinning)
You gonna deny you liked it?

ROBERT (panicking)
I’m gonna deny being alive if this keeps up.

A group of theater kids nearby start harmonizing the “Mrs. Robinson” song, snapping their fingers like a West Side Story gang of menace.

THEATER KID LEADER (singing)
“Jesus loves you more than you will know…”

SAM (throws her juice box)
NOT TODAY, LIN-MANUEL!

CARLY (walking up, amused)
Wow. You two are officially internet famous—and school famous. That’s like... a double whammy of awkward.

FREDDIE (joining in)
Someone put a poll online asking if the iCarly wedding should have a meat stick buffet or a cotton candy chocolate fountain.

SAM (eyes lighting up)
Okay wait, now I’m interested.

Just as the noise reaches a fever pitch—

GIBBY (O.S.) (from the top of the staircase)
LOOK OUT BELOW!!

EVERYONE TURNS—

GIBBY comes barreling down the stairwell in his gym shorts, flips over the banister, does a cartoonish mid-air spin, and crashes into a recycling bin with a tremendous clang. He immediately pops up, fists in the air.

GIBBY
I’M OKAY!!!

The hallway ERUPTS into laughter and applause. Everyone forgets the kiss instantly and rushes over to Gibby like he’s a rock star.

SAM (watching)
…and just like that, we’re yesterday’s meatloaf.

ROBERT
I feel like I’ve just been saved by a half-naked guardian angel.

SAM
Don’t get used to it, Romeo.

She walks off, hip-checking Robert playfully on her way down the hall. Robert just stares after her, dazed… again.

ROBERT (V.O.)
I don’t know what just happened. But I think I owe Gibby my firstborn.


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