Episode Title: iLike the New Guy – Part 6

INT. GROOVY SMOOTHIE – AFTERNOON

The Groovy Smoothie is buzzing. Bright lights, strange decorations, a kid playing ukulele badly in the corner. T-Bo is behind the counter, enthusiastically trying to sell hot dogs skewered tightly onto a wooden dowel, poking them dangerously close to passing customers’ faces.

T-BO
Hot dogs on a stick! But not a stick—this stick! One solid mahogany dowel! Get your dogs or get out!

A hot dog falls off and hits the floor with a moist splat. T-Bo doesn’t notice.

At a booth near the window, SAM and ROBERT sit across from each other. Robert is sipping something green and suspicious while Sam munches on curly fries and leans across the table like a lion sizing up a gazelle.

SAM
So, Romeo… I’m thinking we stage a reenactment of “The Shield Kiss” for the show’s anniversary episode.

ROBERT (flatly)
Hard pass. I like my personal space and my emotional well-being.

SAM (mock pout)
Aw. But it was so magical. You, me, the awkward silence… your lips flinching like a baby squirrel.

ROBERT
Also the part where everyone in school started calling you Mrs. Robinson?

SAM (grinning)
Kinda got a ring to it, don’t you think?

ROBERT
Sam… those kids clearly don’t understand the meaning of that song. It’s… it’s not appropriate.

SAM (teasing)
Appropriately hot, maybe.

ROBERT (choking on his smoothie)
That song is literally about a middle-aged woman seducing a college kid and wrecking his life. You want that brand?

SAM
Hey, I already wreck people’s lives emotionally. I’m just leaning into my brand.

T-Bo approaches the table, holding out the dowel with hot dogs skewered like a meaty Excalibur.

T-BO
Hot dogs on a dowel! Organic-ish! Get ‘em while they’re room temperature!

ROBERT
I’m good. I have a strict policy against meat on weapons.

SAM
I’ll take two.

T-Bo tries to yank two hot dogs off the dowel with his bare hands. They won’t budge.

T-BO
Hang on—these dogs are tight. Gotta get my wrench.

He walks off. Just then, the bell over the door jingles—SPENCER walks in, holding what looks like a sculpture of a fish made out of bottle caps. He immediately trips on the door frame.

SPENCER
WHOA—I'm okay!

He catches himself on a display of fruit smoothies. One falls. T-Bo catches it on the dowel.

T-BO
Saved by the stick.

Back at the booth, Sam leans even closer to Robert, tilting her head, clearly up to no good.

SAM (low voice)
Sooo… no shield this time. Nothing between us. What’s gonna stop me now?

ROBERT (calmly)
This.

He picks up a jelly donut from the tray, and just as Sam leans in for a kiss—BLOP—he sticks the donut right in her mouth, filling it with jelly and surprise.

SAM (mouth full, muffled)
Mmmrph!?

ROBERT
Countermeasures. I’ve been studying.

Carly and Freddie walk by with smoothies and freeze mid-step.

CARLY
Did he just donut-block her?

FREDDIE
That’s… oddly brilliant.

Sam slowly chews. Her eyes narrow with amused vengeance. She removes the donut and points at him.

SAM (serious tone, sugary mouth)
This means war, Robinson.

ROBERT (shrugging)
Then let’s take it to the battlefield. But no jelly-filled weaponry, okay? That stuff stains.

CUT TO:

T-BO, now standing on a smoothie crate, swinging the dowel like a hot dog saber.

T-BO
WHO WANTS STICK MEAT?! It’s a lifestyle!!


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