Episode Title: iLike the New Guy – Part 7

INT. iCARLY STUDIO – NIGHT – LIVE BROADCAST

The iCarly webshow is in full swing. Colored lights flash. Freddie gives the “we’re live” thumbs-up. CARLY stands in front of the camera, excited.

CARLY
Hey everyone! Tonight’s skit is our tribute to old-school Saturday morning cartoons… with a twist!

SAM (appearing from behind a curtain, in full campy cartoon-style "tribal" getup with feathers and face paint)
And by “twist,” she means “we made Robert the human sacrifice!”

CUT TO:

ROBERT is tied (safely, comically, not dangerously) to a tall foam pole in the center of the studio. He looks very done with all of this.

ROBERT
I was told there’d be juice boxes. I was lied to.

CARLY (giggling)
Tonight’s skit: “Revenge of the Feather Queen!” Sam and I play sisters from the legendary cartoon “Totem Trouble”—and this guy’s about to get… smooched into submission.

ROBERT
I knew I should’ve transferred to that wizard school.

Cue campy tribal drumming music. Carly and Sam begin dancing dramatically around the pole. It’s exaggerated, goofy, and very much in parody, like old iCarly sketches.

SAM
Time for the ancient ritual of First Kiss Devastation!

ROBERT (wide-eyed)
Wait, what—?

Sam charges forward with comedic over-the-top intensity and plants a big, exaggerated kiss on Robert. The music halts with a record scratch sound.

FREDDIE (O.S.)
Super slo-mo REPLAY!!

Cue a slow-motion, ridiculous CGI-enhanced replay of the kiss:

—Sam approaching like an Olympic sprinter.
—Robert’s horrified expression in Matrix-style bullet time.
—The kiss lands. A sound effect of a car horn plays.
—A single spark shoots out of the pole for no reason.

CUT BACK TO LIVE

The RANDOM DANCING light flashes. Music blares. Carly and Sam immediately start dancing like maniacs around Robert, who’s still tied up and utterly baffled.

ROBERT
This isn’t even the weirdest Thursday I’ve had.

LATER – INT. SHAY APARTMENT – POST-WEBSHOW

Robert is sitting on the couch, still looking dazed. Spencer is attempting to use a vacuum cleaner to play the trombone. It’s not going well.

SPENCER
So… I saw the webshow. Very tribal. Very kissy. Very… pole.

ROBERT
Thank you for that summary, Captain Jazz Vacuum.

SAM (O.S.)
You survived, Romeo.

She enters from the kitchen, tossing a pear at him.

SAM
Admit it. You liked it.

ROBERT
Being tied to a pole and kissed on camera while two girls danced around me like caffeinated squirrels?

Beat.

ROBERT
...Yeah okay, parts of it were fun.

SAM (smug)
Knew it.

CARLY (O.S.)
Just so you know, the clip’s already viral. “Pole Kiss Boy” is trending.

SPENCER
Oof. That nickname’s gonna stick harder than gum under a cafeteria table.

ROBERT
I should move to Canada.

SAM (grinning, sitting beside him)
Too late. You’re mine now, Totem Boy.

She leans in like she’s about to kiss him again—

ROBERT (quickly grabs a pillow, holds it up)
Pillow of Defense! Respect the fluff!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Episode Title: iControl Myself

INT. SHAY APARTMENT – DAY The gang is hanging out post-webcast. Carly is scrolling through fan comments, Robert is eating cereal with orange juice for some reason, and Sam is using a hair straightener to toast a Pop-Tart. CARLY Hey, people are loving the last webcast. Especially Freddie’s new camera rig—wait, someone just called it "cinematic genius"? SAM Cinematic genius? From Freddie ? The guy who once put a filter on a grilled cheese sandwich? FREDDIE (bursting through the door, wearing sunglasses and holding a shiny new touchscreen controller) Oh, I’m just getting started. ROBERT You look like a YouTuber who just bought a drone and thinks he's better than Spielberg . FREDDIE This new tech lets me control everything from one interface. Cameras, lighting, audio levels… mood settings. It even tracks facial reactions and suggests punch-ins. It’s called the MegaRig Ultra+ , and it’s going to elevate iCarly. MONTAGE: FREDDIE GOES OVERBOARD Freddie obsessive...
Read more

Episode Title: iLove You, But I Also Want the Phone

INT. PEAR PHONE STORE – OUTSIDE – VALENTINE’S DAY – 5:58 P.M. A long line of people snakes down the sidewalk outside the Seattle Pear Store. The building is lit up like Times Square and has a massive inflatable Pear Phone bouncing on the roof. A big sign reads: “ PEAR PHONE 13 – MIDNIGHT RELEASE – VALENTINE’S DAY EXCLUSIVE DROP! ” Cue the iCarly gang—CARLY, SAM, ROBERT, FREDDIE, GIBBY, and SPENCER—standing near the middle of the line with folding chairs, thermoses, snacks, and utter chaos. CARLY (rolling out her sleeping bag) Okay. We’ve got food, games, power banks, and a prime spot in line. This is gonna be the least romantic Valentine’s Day ever —but I’m here for it. FREDDIE (setting up a tripod) And we’re vlogging the whole thing. “FreddieCam: 12 Hours in Line for the Pear Phone 13” is gonna get so many clicks. ROBERT (fiddling with a mini camping stove) Is it weird that I brought a tiny fondue set for me and Sam? I thought it’d be romantic. SAM (snatching a marshmall...
Read more

Episode Title: iStranger Stuff

INT. SHAY APARTMENT – NIGHT – HALLOWEEN SPECIAL Darkness. A red glow pulses under the apartment door. Thunder rumbles. The gang sits in a circle on the floor, flashlights under their chins. CARLY Tonight’s webcast is iStranger Stuff —our homage to '80s horror, dimension-hopping drama, and weird kids on bikes. SAM I’m playing Twelve . One better than Eleven. Stronger. Meaner. Hates waffles. Likes bacon jerky . FREDDIE I’m the nerdy one with too many walkie-talkies and unresolved trust issues. ROBERT (holding a blinking LED Christmas light string) I’m the guy who talks to the Upside Down through mood lighting . GIBBY (dressed in an old Ghostbusters jumpsuit) I’m the guy who disappears first, but mostly because I wander off to look for pudding. INT. SCHOOL GYM (AKA THE KITCHEN) – NIGHT Robert strings up blinking lights and stares at the wall. ROBERT (whispers) If you’re in there, blink twice. And tell me what you did with my limited-edition action figure. A string o...
Read more