Episode Title: iLike the New Guy – Part 8


INT. RIDGEWAY HIGH – CAFETERIA – LUNCHTIME

ROBERT is sitting alone, nervously stirring a questionable meatloaf. GIBBY plops down across from him, shirt half-tucked, tray full of nothing but pudding cups.

GIBBY
Dude. I saw the webcast. You got pole-kissed. That’s next-level.

ROBERT
Yeah. It was like being emotionally mugged on live television.

GIBBY
Classic Sam. You know what your problem is?

ROBERT
I foolishly show up to things?

GIBBY (ignores that)
You’re letting her win. She keeps kissing you, you just take it. Like a deer in headlights. You gotta fight fire with…

dramatic pause

GIBBY
GASOLINE.

ROBERT (dubious)
That sounds highly unsafe. And illegal in most states.

GIBBY (leans in, intense)
Next time she comes in hot… you kiss her first. Hard. Take control. Make her the flustered one.

ROBERT
You really think that’ll work?

GIBBY (cracking open a pudding)
Nope. But it’ll be fun to watch what happens when it backfires.

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – AFTERNOON

Robert is shelving books for extra credit. SAM sneaks up behind him, holding a bag of spicy chips.

SAM
Hey there, Book Nerd. Miss me?

ROBERT (turning, awkward but determined)
Actually… yeah. A little.

He stares her down with all the confidence he can muster. Then, channeling every ounce of adrenaline and bad advice from Gibby, he pulls her in and kisses her. Boldly. Confidently. A beat of stunned silence follows.

SAM (blinking, surprised)
Well, HEL-lo.

Then—

SAM
Ohhh, that’s how mama likes it!

She grabs Robert by the collar, spins him, and slams him against a bookshelf with shocking force. She kisses him even harder, knocking over a book cart in the process. A librarian gasps and faints.

ROBERT (muffled)
Mmmph! This was not the plan!

INT. RIDGEWAY HIGH – HALLWAY – LATER

Robert stumbles out of the library looking like he barely survived a wind tunnel. Hair tousled. Shirt wrinkled. Lips possibly bruised. GIBBY is at his locker, adjusting a wrestling headgear for no reason.

GIBBY
Yo! Did you do it? Did you go full fireball kiss mode?

ROBERT (still dazed)
She slammed me against the Dewey Decimal System, man…

GIBBY
That’s a yes!

ROBERT
It was like being kissed by the front of an 18-wheeler. With nitro boosters. That screams at you.

GIBBY
Nice.

ROBERT
I saw my ancestors.


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