Episode Title: iLike the New Guy – Part 9

 

INT. RIDGEWAY HIGH – HALLWAY – NEXT DAY

ROBERT peeks around the corner like he’s scouting for enemy snipers. He’s wearing sunglasses and holding a rolled-up poster like a spy with a fake blueprint. He checks the coast… and scurries down the hall like a man on a mission.

He makes it to his locker and fumbles with the combo, glancing side to side nervously.

GIBBY (O.S.)
Dude. You look like you’re trying to hack into the Pentagon using a lunch tray.

ROBERT (jumping)
AHH! Don’t sneak up on me like that—I’m in evasion mode.

GIBBY
What are you even hiding from?

ROBERT
Sam. I’m trying to go a full day without being kissed, slapped, or used as a human armrest.

GIBBY
Sounds like love to me.

ROBERT (rubbing his temples)
If this is love, I want the manual, the warranty, and a return policy.

INT. BAND ROOM – LATER

Robert ducks into the band room to hide. It’s quiet. Peaceful. He breathes. He relaxes.

ROBERT (to himself)
Okay. Safe zone. Sam doesn’t play instruments. She thinks bassoons are a conspiracy.

Suddenly—Sam pops up from behind a tuba like a flirty ninja.

SAM
Hey there, Bassoon Boy.

ROBERT (startled, grabs a triangle as a weapon)
AHHH—Why are you like this!?

SAM (strolling toward him)
You’ve been avoiding me all day. That hurts my feelings. You know what I do to people who hurt my feelings?

ROBERT
...You bake them cookies and talk it out rationally?

SAM
I body slam them with affection.

She lunges. He dodges. She chases. He runs behind the xylophone. They circle like Tom and Jerry, the triangle still in Robert’s hand.

ROBERT
Can’t we just write each other letters like they did in the 1800s!?

SAM
Where’s the fun in that!?

She finally tackles him onto a beanbag chair in the corner of the room and lands a quick peck on his cheek.

SAM (grinning)
Gotcha.

She hops up and walks off like it was just another Tuesday. Robert just lays there, arms splayed.

ROBERT (V.O.)
I don’t know if I’m dating her, being hunted by her, or slowly being absorbed into her chaos aura.

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – LATER THAT DAY

Gibby and Robert sit in the reading corner, Robert nursing a juice box like it’s a cold compress for his soul.

ROBERT
She popped out of a tuba, Gibby. A tuba. That’s not normal behavior.

GIBBY (nodding)
That’s the good stuff, man.

ROBERT
I’m starting to think I don’t need a relationship. I need a crash helmet and pepper spray.

GIBBY
Or… you could lean into it. Embrace the hurricane. Become the chaos.

Robert just stares at him for a long beat.

ROBERT
Did you eat expired pudding again?

GIBBY (grinning proudly)
Maybe.


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